The latter (so far unsuccessful) seems to rush everything (like a choose your own adventure book – some maybe too young for that reference) but it seems like at the end of every date there is a question: “Continue? ” Judging by your username, I’m going to assume that you’re someone who prefers to develop a friendship with someone first, and then see if it can progress into something romantic. There’s something off to me about people who wish to take this approach to online and offline dating. It suggests an ambivalence or fear of rejection and intimacy. I think someone is setting themselves up for a lot of frustration is they hope to meet other people willing to go this route.
I’ll be honest and say that when I read profiles that state that the man is looking for friends and maybe more, or looking to become friends with someone before they date, I pass them by. Someone would have to be really invested in a person to move at this sort of snail’s pace.
During my semester abroad in college, I went on a trip to Rome with my best guy friend, and I can guarantee you neither of us felt a spark or tried to make “love” happen, even when we were admiring the Colosseum together or eating spaghetti and drinking wine under the dim lights of romantic outdoor restaurants.
However…If you're in the category of male/female friendship in which something more could definitely be on the horizon, know that taking that leap of faith could be the best decision you'll ever make.
Think about how you are with your friends: You tell each other everything.
(Are there things you keep secret from your partner? (Are there times you dread spending time with your partner?
It might feel scary, and you might fear that it'll ruin the connection you already have, but the best – and easiest – relationships truly grow from friendships.
In a post for Fox News Magazine, Kim Olver, author of “Secrets of Happy Couples: Loving Yourself, Your Partner and Your Life,” stresses the importance of friendship in romance: When I think of reasons people cheat, I often hear things like, 'She never supports me.' 'He didn't want to spend time with me.' 'She doesn't understand me.' 'He never really listens when I talk to him.' 'I don't even think s/he likes me.' 'S/he is always complaining.'Aren't all these statements really the opposite of the core of friendship?
With your guy though, you're already on the same page with that stuff and everything pretty much always lands (unless you make a series of bad puns that you knew were bad, but you just had to say them. At this point, you've had so many months of near hand-holds and "damn it, I want to kiss you but I won't" moments that the build-up is so much more~*intense*~ than it would've been if you'd waited three freaking dates to kiss. You can tell when he's stressed versus mad versus has a personality disorder.As I’ve said many times now, dating has become a fast and intensified process.There really isn’t much room for baby steps anymore. Seeking friends first, to me, says, “I’m not ready to handle a relationship or engage in the things involved with having a romantic partnership.” It also makes me think those people are just looking for attention or an ego stroke.I think this is one of the biggest mistakes females make in our society. We dont even think about building that sense of trust and friendship before actually dating because we are too strung up on the idea of needing a boy in our life.Contrary to popular belief, platonic friendships between men and women exist.