Armed with a lot of free time and a damn good wig, I figured I had nothing to lose by putting myself out there. Since I was bald at the time, cancer was a tangible part of my everyday reality and it didn’t make sense to hide it.
Figuring that honesty was the best policy, I included a line in my profile about undergoing cancer treatment with some quip about being “a little less hairy than usual.” That way, if a potential date was freaked out by my cancer, we simply didn’t chat. By putting it out there from the start, I was filtering out the men who didn’t want to spend time with me.
They often want to find someone with whom to share their life—and this is a real challenge.
They feel stronger and wiser, value relationships more, and are clearer about what qualities they think are most important in prospective partners.
It’s important to feel you have some psychological mastery of the experience you’ve had, and make it part of your identity, so that you’re able to talk about your experience from a strength perspective.
I was pleasantly surprised at how many guys wanted to talk despite my cancer, or at least sent me good wishes for a quick recovery.
I ended up meeting some nice people, and while I also had a few truly awful dates, those were more about being a bad fit personally than the fact that I had cancer.